If the whole point of Haywire is to look at a sexy, strong and independent woman kicking butt without the stunt devil and celebrity fan fare, it didn’t really succeed very much considering the fact that it was directed by Steven Soderbergh and featuring guys like Michael Fassbender, Antonio Banderas and Channing Tatum. If you’re going to get quality guys, you might as well get yourself Cameron Diaz or Angelina Jolie and make this another female protagonist Hollywood action thriller.

But there is one thing I like about the main girl in Haywire: Gina Carano is awkward in a dress and it communicates very well. Definitely no Mrs. Smith, Carano plays a freelance mercenary agent that gets revenge on some back-stabbers. She channels those tomboys that get picked on for being better at sports than all the boys in school and we see her thirst for blood explode within the first few minutes of the movie. Or is it more an angry obsession with neck locks? You can only see the same move performed on so many guys until it basically plays the same way as pepper spray.

It’s a shame that the most comedic effect comes from Michael Angarano playing a 19-year-old kid named Scott that tries to help Mallory during a fight in a diner. We take a trip down memory lane and watch Carano hunt down and beat up all the men that have done her wrong and it makes us wonder if she’s really fighting for justice or being a bully. Too bad we didn’t react the same way as poor Scott did when listening to her sad story. There’s a reason you can’t trust anyone when you’re working on side-gigs paid by the government that they don’t even want to know about. If you’re looking for stability, get a desk job.

Soderbergh usually does a great job at unwinding a story, but I guess this must have been significantly more difficult considering there wasn’t much of a story to unwind. Haywire ends up being a really long demo reel for Gina Carano to show the world that she not only can’t act, but she looks fat on screen and has one over-extended signature move that doesn’t even look very sexy.

[star v=25]