Movie Review: Wrath of the Titans

Let’s make another movie about Greek mythology where there’s lots of fighting and special effects so we can blow a bunch of stuff up and spend tons of money. How many times can we discuss the story of Perseus, the bastardized son of Zeus? At least in Wrath of the Titans, Perseus (Sam Worthington) is also sick of his predetermined destiny and just wants to go fishing. As if it isn’t hard enough living a simple peasant life while raising a child on your own, your father, the mighty Zeus (Liam Neeson) has to threaten you in your dreams to get you back on a black flying horse with that huge sword of yours to like, save the world, again.

We might as well call this film ‘Wrath of the Brotherhood’ because none of this would happen if Ares (Edgar Ramirez) wasn’t jealous of his demi-god-trying-not-to-be-a-god-and-totally-minding-his-own-business brother Perseus. He teams up with Hades (Ralph Fiennes) to capture Zeus, suck out his power and release Kronos. Did you know that Zeus and Hades banished their father Kronos together? And then Zeus went on a power trip and banished Hades to Hell, and now is praising his half-human son over the God of War like it’s some competition or something. I guess we’re supposed to see that even gods can get misguided, but this it’s totally unfair for all of mankind to go through a war with fiery demons just for the divine family to patch up their relationship.

We can all agree that the story-line is stupid, but in no way are we requesting for more stupidity in the supporting characters. Toby Kebbell plays Agenor, the son of Poseidon that calls himself ‘the navigator’ for helping Perseus go through a miraculous journey to save his father from his own brother, uncle and grandfather. He’s known as ‘a great disappointment,’ if he’s even recognized at all in Greek mythology. But hey, we need to make Perseus look as great as possible, so we have to put a lousy character at his side, right? And then there’s Bill Nighy as Hephaestus, a quirky weapons maker who talks to an owl ornament. What is this, Cast Away?

As if Wrath of the Titans can’t be more ridiculous, it’s in 3D — so you can pretend that you’re on a roller-coaster ride in Disney World going through Hogwart’s changing corridors, escape some cyclops with absolutely no aim, and fly into a burning tunnel with sizzling embers. If you get anything out of this movie, you’ll at least find out how to seduce a mermaid. Because you never know when you’ll come across one of those.

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