Movie 43 has been out for a week now and the critics are all saying one thing: this is the worst movie ever made.
In this week’s edition of All Questions Answered, we will dissect this critical consensus, deconstruct society’s views of the film, re-examine the meaning of “comedy films,” and come to a conclusion of whether or not Movie 43 really was as bad as everyone said.
Actually, that all sounds quite difficult. So instead of doing that, I’ll just give you the top questions that people most likely have about Movie 43, and then I’ll answer them.
Q: What is this movie about?
A: Movie 43 isn’t exactly about anything as much as it’s a collection of short sketches made by the top people working in Hollywood today. It’s pretty much got every single famous person imaginable in it.
Q: Does that mean Mel Gibson is in it?
A: No. I said it has every single famous person.
Q: What exactly does the title, Movie 43, mean?
A: According to Wikipedia, the title references one of the sketches in the film where a bunch of teenagers are surfing on the internet looking for a banned movie called Movie 43. Apparently this has to do with the 43rd rule of the Internet, which is that if you search long enough you will find something.
Q: Why did you have to look up that information on Wikipedia?
A: Because that sketch was never in the film.
Q: What was the weirdest part of this movie?
A: The part where it’s entire title is based on something that NEVER APPEARS IN THE FILM!
Q: What was the second weirdest part of this movie?
A: Hugh Jackman’s neck had testicles coming out of it. It was never explained.
Q: Is Movie 43 really “the worst film of all time?”
A: Absolutely not. In fact, I wouldn’t even call Movie 43 a bad film at all. In fact, I rather enjoyed Movie 43.
Q: Umm… what?
A: Movie 43 was in no way good, but it was in no way trying to be good. This was made absolutely clear in between every sketch. Yes, it had gross-out humor and a LOT of fart jokes, but the point of the film wasn’t to be high art, it was to be as incredibly stupid and horrible as it possibly could be.
Q: Did the audience in the movie theatre find Movie 43 funny?
A: Yes, all 4 other people in the theatre seemed to be enjoying themselves.
Q: Were there any parts of the film that were dramatic?
A: Judging solely on the reaction that the woman a few rows in front of me had in one of the sketches, yes, Movie 43 had one of the most dramatic scenes in the history of cinema.
Q: What scene was this?
A: The scene had Josh Duhamel and Elizabeth Banks living together… along with a cartoon cat. When the cartoon cat broke open a thermometer and proceeded to drink the mercury inside, the woman in front of me gasped and showed generous amounts of legitimate concern for the cartoon cat.
Q: Was the cat okay?
A: I am quite certain that in the end the cartoon cat died.
Q: Should I see this movie?
A: Honnestly, Movie 43 is not bad. If you think you are going to see something in the vein of Superbad or Knocked Up, you are not. Movie 43 tries as hard as it can to be terrible, and it pulls it off successfully with each sketch. Some parts are laugh out loud funny, while others are some of the most awful moments ever put to film. But when there’s as much talent in front of and behind the camera as there is with Movie 43, it’s almost always a movie worth seeing. This was the case here, crazy as it may sound.
Q: Okay, but you’re sure the cat wasn’t okay?
A: Pretty sure.