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Review: Hitman: Agent 47

The problem inherent in creating a so-called ultimate killing machine in film is that said effortless assassin has no emotions, and while they may help with the task at hand, it does little to make the audience interested.

If you’re going to try your hand at a story so often traveled before, you need an actor with charm and gravitas; after all, Arnold Schwarzenegger is frequently the best part of every Terminator movie while playing a robot.

That’s the main problem in Hitman: Agent 47; though it’s hardly the only one. Portrayed by a bland and ineffectual Rupert Friend, the titular agent, bred from some secret program to be an unparallel murderer for hire (really bred from a video though), our Agent is the most boring part of a trite film littered with vain attempts of being stylish.

A plot involving a missing scientist unfolds in predictable matter. He created the Agent program, but realized it was too much power for the world, so went into hiding. Now everyone wants a piece, for good and bad, and his daughter finds herself at the centre of a violent manhunt.

Enter Zachary Quito as another mystery assassin, and Katia (Hannah Ware, the only watchable part of this train wreck), is being hurried along as bullets fly, cars crash, and super soldiers fight.

Director Aleksander Bach seems so badly to want to have this movie be serious: Katia studies intensely a map on the way as she seeks her father, while the Hitman, with his brooding stare and inability to delivers expository line after expository line, battles the esoteric Syndicate (which Mission: Impossible already took down).

One of the Agent’s abilities seems to be forcing enemies to constantly miss their mark when shooting him. His vaguely defined skills include kneeing while shooting and extending his arms in two directions to take down two baddies at once. He also has a penchant for walking instead of running for no apparent reason, and doing other things that are far more elaborate than need to be.

But Hitman isn’t worth the thought. At nearly two hours, it’s nowhere near the time either. Paltry action sequences and laughably bad dialogue aid this film in being one of the worst of the year.

[star v=1]

Anthony Marcusa

A pop-culture consumer, Anthony seeks out what is important in entertainment and mocks what is not. Inspired by history, Anthony writes with the hope that someone, somewhere, might be affected.